Wednesday, October 1, 2014

Let Go of the List

What directs a person's day?  What directs my day?  I worship Jesus Christ as God's son, whose sacrifice on the cross paid the price for my sins and allows me to have a personal relationship with my Creator.  It's a big deal to me, this spiritual journey.  But you know what else is a big deal…TOO big a deal?  "My List."  See?  It even gets capitalized, because it's so extremely important to me.  My List, I confess, is what most often really directs my day.  That's a problem.

What's in My List?  Well…it varies….NOT…it's always the same.  It perpetually involves a never ending rotation of housekeeping tasks (literally--I'm a housewife so I take on the whole kit and caboodle of household chores)--and then there are the mothering responsibilities such as carpooling, doctoring…you've heard it all before.  And then, written in invisible ink all over the margins of My List are all the things I could (should?) be doing for self fulfillment and personal growth cause I'm hitting the mid forties now and…these years of health and energy are slipping by quickly.  (It's a joke…I never have any energy!  I collapse at 9:30.  I last saw energy at age 27!)  Yes, just add a little "heat,"  a little emotional stress, and those invisible words of could do's, should do's and ought to have done's pop out like the freckles on my nose in July!  It's all on My List, you see.  My List rules.

And when I can't check things off at a rapid enough pace, I get frustrated.  I get anxious.  I get…well…unpleasant.  It's true.  And it's wrong.

So today is Day 1 of letting go of My List.  I'm not going to worship it anymore.  Because that's what I'm doing when I let that impossible list direct my life, when I let it control my mood and my satisfaction.  I'm going to try, prayerfully, to "be content with such things as I have, for He Himself has said I will never leave you nor forsake you." (Heb 13:5)  I will not covet the things I cannot get accomplished.  I will not covet what others have done!  I will not worship my checked off results.  I will rest.  I will grow.  I will put my eyes on the eternal. I will let GOD lead.  I will let go of the list.


Here's the old me…living for the list!  Haha.