Thursday, June 11, 2009

Fatt Chatt: Session I.

Please join me for an ongoing conversation in my head...

Bad Suz: I'm so fat. My arms are floppy. My stomach's mushy. I'm so fat.

Good Suz: Well I don't know what else you expect to be! THINK of HOW MANY fried mozzarella cheesesticks you ate yesterday...AFTER DINNER! What are you complaining about? You eat everything in sight!

Bad Suz: Well! I've never...

Good Suz: "...and those cheesesticks weren't even YOURS! They belonged to Lisa. You were just storing them for her! And you ate them! ATROCIOUS!

Bad Suz: I figured I'd pay her for them, and you know she'd give them to me post-digestively anyway because she's nice...unlike YOU.

Good Suz: You want to know why you don't fit into your summer clothes, and I'm just telling you. Dairy products. And don't even get me started on that lo mien fiasco at the mall today.

Bad Suz: Ha! I earned every noodle shopping with three teens and a toddler! Every bite! And anyway, I only ate a fraction of what they ate! And I HAD to eat the chocolate mocha truffle because Katie BOUGHT it for ME! ...mother daughter bonding.

Good Suz: Fat cells bonding to your thighs!!! And did I even mention the truffle?....the HUGE sugar and fat filled truffle...with the latte?

Bad Suz: (groan) You are no help.
(to be continued.)
(Lisa, we ate your cheesesticks. Sorry. I'll reimburse you.)


TR11s said...

Suzanne, I'm SPEECHLESS! And I'm on my over right now to make you walk two miles with me as penance!

Suzanne said...

LOL OK. :)

Chris said...

Oh...I want in..first the cheese sticks and then the walk...I have very similar discussions on a regular basis! Sigh.

Lady Librarian said...

You are hilarious. I so look forward to all your blog posts. I love your honesty and humor, Suzanne! I suppose I also like reading that I'm not the only one dealing with unhealthy eating and chaos in their day!

Dana said...

Suzanne ... you are BEAUTIFUL ... and of course you're NOT fat!!! you may be nuts ;) ... but definitely not fat! I may be dragging you on a walk soon as well :)

Suzanne said...

Thank you Dana. Good Suzanne agrees with you (about the not fat part) but bad Suzanne is disgruntled that she can't wear her favorite clothes. Ah well. THanks for your sweet comment.

Anonymous said...

Suzanne, your writing is awesome. And then the fact that you included a picture of you eating the cheese sticks. Love it!